Tomorrow we will be having our 20 week scan for our second pregnancy. It is very common nowadays to use this opportunity to find out the sex of the baby. There are many reasons why you might want to or not want to find out the sex, and I’ve written about this before. We have already decided that we are going to find out the sex of the baby, and are very excited to do so. We didn’t find out with Alfie, so we are looking forward to having a different experience this time. What I want to talk about today is if it’s acceptable to admit to wanting either a boy or a girl – are we allowed a preference?
I feel like the subject of gender is a really hot topic at the moment. John Lewis have recently launched a gender neutral clothing range, with labels that don’t define the clothes as girls or boys. You may have seen in the news recently the couple who pulled their child out of school because another male pupil was allowed to wear a dress to school. There is also currently a show on the BBC called “No More Boys and Girls”, which I’ve yet to watch but have had several friends rave about how much of an eye opener it has been. There is debate after debate about the issue of gender – should we be forcing gender upon kids, and expecting them to act like a boy or a girl? Are we so set in our ways that we can’t see how we are subtly (or not so subtly) influencing our children to behave in a certain way? I personally think that children need to know the difference between boys and girls – because, lets face it, there ARE differences, but when it comes to behaviour, I’m not going to influence my son one way or the other. If he wants to play with dolls and prams and kitchens, then so be it. But if he want to play with cars and rugby balls and a tool bench, then I’m not going to discourage it because it’s seen as being too “boyish”. Kids should just be given the option of playing with, dressing, acting how they like – because they’re just kids! Something I do believe in is gender equality, but that’s a rant for another day…
Now, before I go off on a tangent, the reason I mention all of this is because when I tell people that we are finding out the sex of the baby, I get asked one question:
“Do you have a preference?”
And honestly? Yes. Yes I do have a preference.
We already have one amazing little boy. Alfie is the best thing that has even happened to us. He is cheeky, he is kind, he is intelligent, he is loving, he is a bit whiney, and watches far too much Peppa Pig! He is his dad’s double, an amazing little boy and I couldn’t ask for anything better.
But, I really, really, really want a girl. I want a little mini me. I want someone to take to ballet lessons, to treat to afternoon tea, to go shopping with, to plan a wedding with. I want Craig to have a little girl to walk down the aisle on her wedding day. And all of these are “typical” girly things and people will probably think I’m awful for already “forcing” these ideas on to a baby that hasn’t even been born yet (and might not be a girl!).
I know I could do these things with Alfie, but the chances are he is not going to be interested in these kinds of things when he is older. Maybe I am being presumptuous and projecting my ideas of boy and girl activities far too early. If he does want to do these things with me, then that would be amazing! And maybe if we did have a girl, she would rather play rugby than have afternoon tea and that’s totally fine too (although can someone please come to afternoon tea with me!!)
This is very likely to be our last baby. Craig wants more, but I’m not so keen – I feel like I’ve done my bit and our family will be complete (until I get broody again…) So having “one of each” would be lovely. However, although I would like a girl, I absolutely would not be disappointed with a boy. Maybe I would feel a tiny little bit of disappointment initially, but then I would soon realise how brilliant two cheeky little boys would be. Another little Alfie would be a dream. I know how to look after a boy (I’ve heard girls can be divas!). I don’t have to worry about periods and hormones when they are older (although I know boys can be just as hormonal as girls!)
I have read a lot about gender disappointment, so gender preference must be a thing right? So many people have asked me if I have a preference, that they must have had a preference too? I just don’t think people like to admit it. I’m sure some people don’t care either way, but equally I do think there are lots that do. I know Craig really wanted a boy first time round, and whilst I really didn’t mind either way, I kind of wanted a boy for his sake. I honestly don’t think he would have known what to do with a girl (which seems silly as they’re both just babies!) but I think he would have treated her like a delicate little flower, and wouldn’t have wanted to hold her and be alone with her the way he was with Alfie. I think second time round, he will be so used to it that he won’t care that it is a girl. I have asked him what he would like and he said he genuinely doesn’t care.
The 12 week scan
So, do you think it’s a problem to have a preference to the gender of your baby? Did you want either a boy or a girl, and did you have certain reasons for this? Let me know what you think!