9 Comments

  1. I felt/feel the same. Arthur was also 2.5 when I had Charlotte and I really struggled (and still do). Arthur had a few weeks of his behaviour going down hill with all the changes and I lost my ENTIRE circle of mummy friends because of it – they said they didn’t want their children around us. It was the most isolating time of my life I think, and I was already struggling really badly with anxiety and PND but the whole thing made it so much worse. Charlotte is now a year old and they are starting to play together more now which makes it easier at home. It’s ok to say it’s hard though – I wish someone had warned me before hand x

    • Oh gosh, I’m so sorry to hear your friends weren’t supportive of you! I do sometimes wonder what my friends think when Alfie is being a terror, but I think on the whole they understand and have been brilliant. It’s really sad that some people can’t put themselves in your shoes – the last thing you needed was people turning on you! I hope things are a lot better for you now, we’ve definitely turned a corner but I feel sad for the dark moments we went through.

  2. I could have written this. I found it so, so hard with little help from my mum for the first six months. One day she actually said to me, ‘I could have helped more but you’ve not needed it, have you’- and I nearly punched her. She stepped up after that but I found it really hard to forgive her for being so blind or choosing to ignore my struggles. I had an allergy baby for crying out loud, we too struggled with feeding second time around and had a very jealous toddler. And I couldn’t even eat cake. It was a very grim time, and I still find it tough. I also wonder whether there’s a fundamental reason I couldn’t cope – why am I so hopeless??

    So thank you for writing such a raw and honest post, I can assure you, you’re not alone in feeling that way. And I fail to understand how others cope so well!

    Today we’ve made the difficult decision to night wean because our littlest still wakes about six times per night to feed, and the last three nights has wanted to get up and start the day in the middle of the night. She’s 14 months now and things are not improving.

    I’m glad to hear things are getting better for you, I hope that continues.

    Incidentally, why have we never yet met up? We really should! x

  3. Laura

    I can still vividly remember walking into the kitchen sweating, lugged up to my eyeballs with carrier bags, changing bags, a whinging toddler and a crying baby and just bursting into an hysterical episode. Adam just looked like a deer in headlights and simply whispered “What’s up? What’s happened?” And I think I said something along the lines of “NOBODY told me it was going to be this hard. NOT ONE person warned me about hard it is” and I just sat on the floor and cried!
    Things are still a little hard – mostly just trying to get things done but we’re all used to it.
    I definitely know how you feel about bonding & appreciating the time with your second. I couldn’t go to alot of baby groups as Alfie was too old, and the days he wasn’t at nursery there either wasn’t one on or it was my one chance to get things done with only 1 (usually sleeping) child!

  4. As someone who is going through the same thing I think you’re doing a super job. I feel the same about a messy house I just can’t relax; but at the end of the day it doesnt actually matter. I didn’t sit down until 10pm last night and had toast for tea as I was just too tired to cook, I gave the boys beans and cheese and potato balls for dinner as I just couldn’t be bothered to cook and Oliver declared it was the yummiest dinner he’d had in ages. Just made me realise I spend way too much time making him lovely dinners when he’s happy with beans on toast. I should embrace it!

  5. Aw Aby. I literally have a post I’ve been holding off publishing about the pondering of a second child. I so want one but at the same time I worry it could tip me over the edge. Kate aside, I literally don’t know a person who finds it easy with two plus. And it scares the life out of me. I know one day it will get easier but you have to get through that tough phase first and at the same time you don’t want to wish it all away.

    We are always here if you want to keep some sanity and if can grab that couple of hours chicks free time I’m love to meet up and have a chin wag.

    Alfie and Henry are so gorgeous. You are doing an amazing job.

    Give yourself some credit and grab some me time where you can. Lots of love.

  6. I know this is going to sound like a really odd thing to say as I only have one, but this is basically how I have felt for the last three and a bit years (may well be crying writing this comment!!). Which is why I absolutely cannot risk having another. Sending hugs until our next meet up xxx

  7. Having 2 is incredibly hard. And I say that as a mom of 6. I’d rather take all my crew anywhere than just 2. It’s ridiculously hard so do not feel like it should be easy. It isn’t.

  8. Cat

    Good for you for being honest and writing about it! It has taken me 9 months to adjust to having a second child and even then somedays i just can’t find the motivation to get us all out of the door!

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