With 2017 bringing the new year in quicker than expected, I seem to have hit a rut. A work rut, a blogging rut, a parenting rut. There seemed to be a lot I wanted to achieve by the end of 2016, that I haven’t.
The first half of 2016, I was on a roll. I was on maternity leave with my beautiful baby boy, I had just properly got into blogging, and I had no cares or worries. Alfie was happy, I loved being off work, and we kept ourselves busy. I had taken to the role of housewife and stay at home mum pretty well. Craig and I were eating delicious, homemade, healthy meals every evening, I had regular meet up with my mum friends and non-mum friends, and I used the long night feeds to write my blog.
Then I returned to work in July and everything seems to have gone to pot. I’ve lost my mojo. Full time working is HARD. I am always tired. I am always distracted. I don’t feel like I’m giving my best at work because my mind is always elsewhere and thinking about things I would rather be doing. But then when I’m at home, I’m worrying about what I haven’t done at work. It’s a lose/lose situation.
It hasn’t all been bad – we’ve had some great times, and it’s made me appreciate the time I do have with Alfie a lot more. We’ve been getting out more at the weekends, and spending our time doing things that Alfie would enjoy, rather than spending our time doing things where he just has to tag along. Now he’s getting older, he’s more active, and has a lot more energy to burn. It’s so much fun, but also so exhausting. Something’s got to change.
But what? We are now in February, and I feel like I still don’t have anything sorted! January was the longest, most depressing month I’ve experienced in a while. I think my biggest problem is I get so hyped up in November and December about Christmas, that by the time January comes round, it’s pales in comparison. We have less money to go out and do exciting things, the weather is usually miserable, and there are no bank holidays or time off work to look forward to until APRIL!
Having spoken to a few friends about this, it seems there is a bug going round – an “I-don’t-feel-like-doing-anything-but-I-don’t-know-why” bug and it’s got everyone in a funk. I have so much to look forward to this year, but I can’t seem to find my happy place at the moment. Maybe I just need a day off. A day off from being mum, a day off from work, a day off from being a wife, a day off from being a blogger. Is that selfish? Perhaps. Is it healthy? Yes, absolutely.
I am extremely lucky to have a very supportive husband, who completely does his fair share of stuff. We split everything 50/50 – housework, childcare, money, so there is no me doing more or him doing more. But that doesn’t mean that we both need a break once in a while. We had a fab night away at a spa for our anniversary at the end of last year but sometimes you also need a break FROM each other. I don’t see that as a bad thing, I’ve always been very independent and also cherished alone time. I think coming from a big family where there is ALWAYS someone around, as I grew up I learnt to love having a bit of time on my own. So it isn’t selfish to ask for a morning where I can go and get a coffee on my own, or an afternoon where he takes Alfie out and I can binge watch Teen Mom without worrying about the chores I’m not doing, or even just having 30 minutes on my own to relax in the bath. And I’m more than happy for my husband to do the same – to go out, on his own, see friends, or just be alone if that’s what he wants.
Once I’ve had that time, I know I will be able to get back to how I used to be. Organised. Not stressed. Fun. Being able to concentrate on a task for longer than 10 minutes.
So, New Year, New Me? No. I purposely haven’t made resolutions this year, because I know I won’t keep them. I haven’t gone on a new year diet because I know I won’t stick to it (she says as she’s typing this whilst scoffing chocolate). I have a plan. I have goals. But they are big ones, they are things to work towards, not necessarily things I NEED to achieve by a certain time, or a deadline I need to meet.
2017 is all about New Year, OLD Me – getting back to who I used to be.
2017 is all about the bigger picture for me.
2017 is going to get better – and I’m looking forward to seeing what it holds.
How has your year been going so far? Have you been stuck in a funk, or managed to get off to a great start already? I’d love hear any tips on how to de-stress and get my mojo back!